Sunday, August 23, 2009

I Need to Find a Teeny Tiny AA

I have learned so much lately. Don't worry about jumping up to grab a pen and paper. It really is just a bunch of crazy stuff that will probably not enhance your life at all. Well, maybe if you ever find yourself in a plague of locust or a knife fight.

The other night I learned toothpaste and saliva will take blood stains out of clothing. I know what you are thinking - did I actually cut myself while brushing my teeth? Well, no. I was getting ready to put clean sheets on our bed when J. Hogan ran in and thought the sheets were pillows and did a triple lindy into them only to split his upper lip open and lose enough blood that caused me to worry vampires would be knocking on my door.

I will give you a moment to pull yourself together.

Our tragedy ended rather quickly. He is a tough little guy. And when the smoke cleared, or rather when the screaming ended, he was left with a fat upper lip and blood stained clothes. I then began screaming since I realized that my brand new J. Crew tank that I just cut the tags off of, was covered in blood. So I composed myself and did what any red-blooded girl would do and went straight to the Internet. And that is how I learned that saliva and toothpaste would remove blood stains. And yes sports fans, it works... really it works. Technique is not important and therefore I will spare you the gory details.

While on Google I remembered that I also needed to find out how to get rid of a couple of elusive gnats that had setup residency in my home. I am a clean fanatic and I cannot tolerate any unidentified flying objects in my home. To save you time, there many ways to get rid of them that does not involve harmful chemicals - from sucking them into the vacuum cleaner (what!?!?) to trapping them with rotten fruit (gag). I chose a method that seemed to be fairly humane and strangely similar to how Chris and I met - trap them with wine.

The instructions were as follows -
1. Poor approximately 1/2 cup of wine (preferably red) into a bowl.
2. Cover bowl tightly with plastic wrap.
3. Using a fork, poke holes in plastic wrap.
4. Leave on counter overnight.
5. Dispose of wine and gnats that have lost their life to consumption.

Unlike the spit-toothpaste blood removal of 2009, this did not work and I am fairly upset over the loss of wine. I actually watched a gnat enter the bowl, land and fly out.

Apparently instead of building a trap, I just built them an all-inclusive relaxing vacation spot. I am thinking of setting up a little mariachi band for them tonight. If you can't kill them, at least be a good hostess.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Who Knew

Yesterday was a BIG day in our home. It was J. Hogan's first day of school, or rather Mom's Day Out. Yes, I know that about a year ago, I posted an entry about J. Hogan's first day of school, but this REALLY was his first day of school. And here is how I know - I woke up really early and packed his lunch, I packed his backpack, I put him in the car, I drove him to our church, I walked him inside, I put his things in his cubby hole (adorned with the cutest name tag), I kissed him goodbye, and I left... for 4 1/2 hours... him there... with his teacher... alone. Sure there were other kids, but he's my baby. (sob, sob, sob)

The fact of the matter is, he did great. He hardly knew I was gone. He played on the playground, he made friends, he ate his lunch and he took a nap. I could not believe it when I walked in to pick him up and HE WAS THE ONLY ONE ASLEEP! I'm not bitter, I mean I love the 20 minute naps he will take for me at home.

I don't know if I should be jealous or suspicious.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

One Guilt Riden Blog

Well, school starts soon so I guess it is time to get back to blogging. Actually, I don't know what those two have in common, but it just made me feel like less of a slacker. I had not thought too much about blogging until my good friend Ginger sent me a guilt ridden email from her igloo in Alaska that made me realize it's been a while - try a few months - okay like six. So this one is really for you Ginger and I promise the next one will not be delayed.

This summer has been a bundle full of fun and activities. We have been on the go since May and what fun we had. Unfortunately it has not been documented on this blog, but has in the golfer's tan J. Hogan has developed. So here's the recap - we swam, we traveled, we went to zoos, we went to waterparks, we rode ducks, we had sleepovers, we went to Kindermusik, we did art projects, we played, we went to a million birthday parties, oh and we said goodbye to good friends.

Ginger, we really miss you guys. Chisel your way out of the frozen tundra and come back for a visit soon!